The Breakfast Club
by dancerbaby414
Summary: This is a crossover between Harry Potter and the Breakfast Club! I love both like crazy! Characters: Harry, Hermione, Draco, Luna, and Ginny...


Disclaimer: Neither Harry Potter or the Breakfast Club is mine… I intend no copyright infringement.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, May 29th, 1997

_Dear Professor Snape, The five of us were in detention today for doing something wrong. We understand that because what we did WAS wrong. But having us all write an essay about who we are is bloody mental. You don't care who any of us really are. You see as you want to see us: a basket-case, a know-it-all, a prince, a reminder, and a brat. And maybe, just maybe, we saw ourselves like that too._

Draco Malfoy was standing with his cronies waiting down the hall from the dark, damp classroom. He stood with his arms folded his chest.

"I can't believe Snape put _me_ in detention! I'm his favorite student! He should have gotten me out of this. This is ridiculous." Draco growled. Draco turned and stormed into the classroom.

Hermione Granger was standing only 20 feet away. 'I can't believe that _I_ got detention. I never get detention. I won't even be able to study! I guess I'll just find a way to study.' Hermione walked towards the classroom and approached the door quietly. She entered it cautiously.

Harry Potter was walking from the Quidditch pitch. He arrived outside the room and stood for a minute. 'I can't believe I had to cancel a quidditch practice because I have detention with Snape. This is mental.' Harry sighed and he too entered the room.

Ginny Weasley walked in front of a group of girls who had to stop suddenly as to not hit her. Ginny didn't make a sound she just kept walking and slammed the classroom door shut. Luna Lovegood who was walking behind the group turned around to say goodbye but the girls had already walked away. Finally she entered the room.

Professor Snape entered the room last. Draco was sitting in the front row by himself. Harry and Hermione were sitting two rows behind him but they weren't talking. Ginny was lazily seated with her feet on the desk next to her and Luna was standing in the back corner.

"I see that we are all on time." Snape sneered. "How… terrific."

Draco raised his hand and began to speak. "Sir, I think this is a mistake. I shouldn't be here."

Snape rolled his eyes and continued. "It is seven-oh-six. You have eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here and complete you essay, no less than twelve rolls of parchment about who you are."

Ginny blew a big bubble with her bubble gum and it popped loudly.

Draco rolled his eyes.

Snape continued to drone on and on. "You may not speak; you may not stand up or remove yourself from these seats." Snape pointed to Ginny. "You may not sleep: and you may not put your feet on my desks!"

Ginny reluctantly moved her feet.

"Your essay is due at the end of this detention. And hell, maybe you'll learn about yourselves or something."

Hermione stood up. "I can tell you who I am right now, Sir, I'm Hermione Granger, Sir."

"Sit down, Ms. Granger. I'll be in my office across the hall. If there is any… funny business… I shall know. Any questions?"

Ginny raised her hand. Snape looked at her. "Did you that getting laid is apparently very good for people's attitudes… you should try it."

"Ms. Weasley, you'll be joining me next Saturday… have fun." Snape turned and stalked from the room.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Douche bag."

CLICK. Draco looked around the room. CLICK. Ginny, Hermione, and Harry noticed too. CLICK. All four turned around and looked at Luna who had sat down and was dropping bottle tops on the desk.

Draco scoffed loudly and Luna threw a bottle cap at him. It missed.

"I've seen you before." Draco said to Luna. It wasn't a sarcastic remark or a compliment… it was just a neutral statement.

Suddenly the door opened and Snape was standing there. He looked around quickly seeing nothing really out of place so he shut the door again.

TAP. TAP. TAP. "Who am I? Who are you? _Who_ are you?" Hermione said to herself as she tapped her quill on the desk. "I'm a drummer…" she said. Draco turned around and gave her a confused look. "Never mind." She said. She laughed nervously.

Ginny and Luna both went to take there sweater's off at the same time. Ginny looked like she was going to growl. Luna quickly pulled her sweater back on and rubbed her arms like she was cold.

"Well, this sucks…" Hermione mumbled.

Ginny crumpled up her paper that she was supposed to use for an essay and threw it at Harry. It sailed over his head but he and Hermione both noticed it.

"What is wrong with you?" Harry whispered.

"Nothing, I'm just sick of being in the background of the 'Golden Trio'!" Ginny hissed back.

Luna suddenly began to sing a Muggle hit. "I tell you what I want, what I really really want. So tell me what you want what you really really want. I wanna eh I wanna eh I wanna eh I wanna eh I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ahh!"

"This is not happening." Draco mumbled. Luna stopped singing.

"What do we do if we have to take a piss?" Ginny said aloud.

Suddenly they all heard pants unzip. "I have an idea" Draco said laughing.

"Gross!" Hermione said.

Harry stood up. "Malfoy! Don't even think about it."

"Shhh! When you talk it makes it harder for it to come out!"

"PUT IT AWAY, MALFOY!" Harry was mad.

"You know, Harry, you're kind of cute when you're mad…" Ginny said thoughtfully.

Draco rolled his eyes and pulled his zipper back up.

After a few moments of silence… "Hey Potter…" Draco said.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry replied.

"What do you say we convince these ladies into having a huge orgy?"

Hermione gasped, Luna glared, and Ginny burst out laughing. Harry stood up but Draco was too busy starring at Ginny's laughter. "Hey!" Harry shouted.

"What?" Draco said annoyed.

"Don't make me get mad Malfoy. 'Cause if I do… you are going to die."

"Really now?" Draco drawled out.

"Really." Harry said.

"Just shut up, Malfoy, no one here cares what you have to say." Hermione said darkly.

"Yea!" Harry concurred. "Butt head."

"Shut up, Potter! What did you do to get in here? Forget to shine your Order of Merlin?" Draco spat.

"Can't we all just get along?" Luna said in her sing-songy voice.

Harry ignored her and looked straight at Draco. "Just because you live in Snape's armpit of a classroom doesn't mean you can be a pain in the ass, so shut the hell up!"

"It's a free country." Draco retorted.

"Ignore him, Harry, just ignore him. He's just trying to get a reaction out of you." Hermione whispered.

"You wish you could ignore me, Granger." Draco smiled. Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"So…" Draco looked at Harry and Hermione. "Are you two like boyfriend girlfriend? Are you like steady? Are you lovers? Come on, Potter, did you slip her your wand?"

"GO TO HELL, MALFOY!" Hermione screamed.

"Enough!" Harry shouted.

The door burst open again. "What is going on in here?" Snape yelled loud enough for the whole castle to hear. When no one answered he turned and muttered about students being gits and closed the door.

Harry glanced at the door and then at Draco and then at the desk. "Dirt bag." He muttered.

Ginny stood up and sat on the edge of Snape's desk. Draco began to hum loudly.

"Malfoy there are four other people in this room! Can't you just SHUT UP?" Ginny snapped.

Draco got an excited look on his face. "Gosh Weasel! You _can_ count. I thought with your entire Potter obsession you wouldn't be able to! But I guess you had to learn so you could count all the times he was a complete idiot!"

"Who are you to judge, Malfoy?" Ginny retorted.

"Honestly…" Hermione mumbled.

Ginny stood up from Snape's desk. "You know what Malfoy. Now that your daddy is in prison and your mum was carted off to St. Mungo's you don't even count at this school. You no longer have any money or any power. If you disappeared forever it wouldn't make a difference.

"Well… if I don't matter… I just go off and fight a Dark Lord or something."

Hermione laughed.

"How about the Library Club or the Chess Club?" Hermione stopped laughing.

"Or better yet… how about the Gryffindor quidditch team?"

"Malfoy, no one in any club would accept you." Ginny said.

Draco rolled his eyes. "I'm hurt."

"It's because you're scared." Hermione said.

"Oh yes, you big bad Gryffindors scare me!" Draco said in a girly voice.

"I'm in the Save the Nargles Club." Luna said to no one in particular.

"You are so afraid that they won't take you that you just bag all over it!" Hermione said.

"Well maybe all the people in clubs and stuff are ASSHOLES!" Draco snapped back.

Hermione stood up. "You wouldn't even know because you've never taken the time to find out!"

"Well I've never known any vampires but I'm not going to join one of their fucking clubs!"

Harry looked at Malfoy. "Watch your mouth okay?"

"I'm also in the Society Against Snape's Pet Poodle." Luna said.

"Hold on a second, Granger." Draco turned in his seat to look at Luna. "Loony, what _are_ you babbling about?"

Luna blushed. "I was just saying that I'm in the Save the Nargles Club and the Society Against Snape's Pet Poodle."

Draco nodded and turned to Hermione. "Are you in the Society Against Snape's Pet Poodle?"

Hermione tried not to roll her eyes. "No, that's a student run club."

"So?" Draco replied.

"It's different than a faculty run club."

"Maybe so, but to… crazy people like her they are…" Draco turned back to Luna. "What do you guys do in your club?"

"Well… I'm the only one in it… but basically I protest in front of Snape's office about him having a pet poodle."

"Well… does Snape come out of his office?" Draco asked.

"Yes…" Luna replied.

"Well… I guess that's social. It's creepy but social."

"I guess you can call it social. At the end of each protest I go down to the kitchens and celebrate by eating ice cream with the house elves." Luna said dreamily.

"Do you party? Do you get drunk?" Draco asked.

"No… but I dress up because I want to look special for the elves."

"Only jerks like you get drunk, Malfoy." Hermione said.

Luna got another dreamy look on her face. "Once I didn't have any shoes because all the people in my house hid them. I had to borrow a pair of shoes for Professor Sprout. It was kind of weird because they didn't fit. My cousin… Kylie… he got drunk once. He ate macaroni and cheese for about four hours afterwards."

"Probably what happens to you, Malfoy." Hermione said, laughing.

Harry coughed to get everyone's attention. "If you guys don't all shut up Snape's going to walk right on in here and I can't afford to miss practice again next Saturday!"

"Wouldn't it be awful?" Draco said in his girly voice again. "Missing another practice! Well… you probably need that practice Potter."

"Malfoy you know nothing about a team so don't act like you know! Just because you were on a quidditch team doesn't mean you were _apart_ of a quidditch team." Harry snapped.

"Oh, my lack of 'teamness' has left me with an empty heart, Potter. What shall I do?"

"Malfoy, even quidditch can get you somewhere in life if you have goals. You don't even have goals."

"Oh, yes I do, Potter! I want to be just like you! I think I'll go cut my forehead open and poke myself in the eyes until I can't see anymore!"

"Shut up!" Harry yelled.

They all heard Snape's footsteps coming towards them and clambered back into their seats quickly.

Snape opened the door and saw nothing amiss so he retreats out the room and his footsteps gradually faded away.

Draco stood up and walked behind Snape's desk and plopped himself down into the seat. He started opening all the drawers and rummaging through them.

"You know we aren't supposed to screw around!" Ginny chastised.

"Did you finish your essay, missy?" Draco said in a voice uncannily like McGonagall's.

Draco gets up again and goes over the cabinet filled with potion ingredients that students aren't allowed to have.

Draco looks at the handle and begins to manually take out a screw. When he has it completely in his hand the door squeaks open. "Bet you, he keeps gold back here!" Draco whispered.

"That's school property, Malfoy!" Hermione said.

Draco ran back to his seat. "Fix it, Malfoy!" Harry said.

"You should fix it now, Malfoy!" Hermione said.

"God, I'm a genius." Malfoy bragged.

"NO YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!" Harry yelled.

"Really funny, Potter." Malfoy smirked.

Harry was steaming. "Fix the cabinet, Malfoy!"

"Everyone just SHUT UP!" Malfoy snapped.

Snape was walking from the kitchens to his office when he heard the yelling. He was only a few feet away. He stopped to listen.

"I know what I'm doing, okay?" came a shout.

"No, fix it! GET UP THERE AND FIX IT!" came another.

"SHUT UP!"

"God damnit, what the hell is going on?" Snape screamed from the doorway. He looked around the room like all the other times he checked up on them. "Why is my cabinet open? WHY?"

Draco's features were impassive. "How should we know, sir? We're not supposed to move right?"

Snape looked at Ginny. "WHY?" he said, his eyes blazing.

"We were just sitting here, sir, like we were supposed to." Ginny answered.

Snape looked back at Draco. "Who opened my cabinet?"

"I think a screw fell out, sir." Draco said, still showing no emotion.

"It just opened, sir." Harry said quietly.

Snape looked at Luna. "Who?" he said.

Luna just began to make owl sounds.

"She doesn't really talk, sir." Draco said looking at the desk he was sitting in.

"Give me the screw, Draco." Snape hissed.

"I don't have it."

"Give it to me or I will shake it out of you!" Snape was ready to pop.

"I don't have it… screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place." Draco replied, almost innocently.

"Give it to me."

"Excuse me, sir." Hermione whispered. "Why would anyone want to steal a screw?"

"Watch it, Granger!"

Snape turned and got tape out of his desk.

"Sir, the door is glass. I don't think that Scotch tape will hold it." Snape ignored Draco and taped the door anyway. It opened right back up.

"DAMNIT!" Snape shouted.

Snape grabbed about twelve books and stacked them on the counter all the way up to the open cabinet above.

"Get up, Malfoy; you have to get more books."

"How come Malfoy gets to get up?" Ginny asked. "If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!"

"I don't think you should do this, sir. What if the books fall? I don't think possibly injuring a student is wise at this juncture in your career." Draco said.

"Alright, what are you doing, Draco? Move those damn books!" Snape growled.

Hermione had an epiphany. "Couldn't he just _magic_…" but she was cut off.

COUGH! Draco threw Hermione a dark glance.

"Get back in your seat, Draco."

Draco sat down.

Snape starred at Draco. "I expected more from a Slytherin. You're not fooling anyone, Draco. The next screw that falls out will be you!" Snape began to exit the room.

"Eat my wand." Draco muttered under his breath.

Snape turned so fast you thought he was already facing Draco. "What did you say?"

"EAT. MY. WAND." Draco said, loudly.

"You just got yourself another Saturday, detention." Snape shouted.

"Oh, Christ!"

"You just got another one!"

"Well, I'm free the Saturday after that! However, any Saturday after that I'll have to check my schedule!" Draco shouted.

"Good, because it's going to be filled! For the rest of your miserable life you are going to be in detention with me!" Snape yelled. "Instead of ending up like your father, you'll come here! Are you done now?"

"NO!"

"I'm doing society a favor, Draco!"

"SO?"

"That's another one right there! I've got you here for the rest of your natural born life! Do you want another?"

"YES!"

"That's other another, then!"

Hermione looked worried. "Cut it out!" Snape looked at her then back at Draco. She mouthed to word 'Stop' to him.

"Are you through yet?" Snape sneered.

"Not even close, _Sev_."

"You've got one more!"

"Do you think I give a shit?" Draco yelled.

"Another! You through?"

"How many is that?"

Hermione cleared her throat. "That's six."

Snape glared at Draco. "Now it's eight!"

"But, sir, it would be seven!"

"Shut up, Granger!"

"You're mine, Draco, for two months!" Snape mocked.

"What can I say…? I'm thrilled." Draco drawled out.

"That's exactly what you want all your little friends to believe. You know what, Draco? I might want to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself instead of trying to impress people. You might be better off." Snape turned to the entire group. "I'm going be right outside those doors and if I hear one peep… I'm cracking skulls!"

Draco looks at Ginny and mouths 'Cracking skulls?'

When Snape left… Draco let out his frustration. "FUCK YOU!"

At exactly 7:45 Hermione was thinking and clicking her pen. Harry was playing paper football with himself. Draco was lighting his shoe on fire with a match. Luna was drawing, and Ginny was fast asleep. By 8:00 they were all asleep.

"Wake up!" Snape shouted a while later. No one moved. "Who has to pee?" he said smirking. They all raised there hands."

Later…

"What time is it?" Draco said starring at the ceiling.

"Ten twenty-two." Hermione said. She sighed.

Draco leaned over to his backpack and started ripping pages of a book.

"That's real intelligent." Ginny said sarcastically.

"You're right… It's wrong to destroy literature. Especially Shakes… Shakes…"

"Shakespeare." Hermione said. "I love Shakespeare. I was named after a character in _The Winter's Tale_."

Draco threw the book towards her. "Big deal. I was named after dragons."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Hermione, are you doing anything over the summer?"

Hermione looked like she was remembering. "I don't know… probably but I could get out of it."

Harry nodded his head. "Dean set up a real big party. His parents are going to the states for a week. It should be pretty wild."

"Really?" Hermione questioned.

"Yea, are you going to go?" Harry replied.

"Probably not." Hermione answered.

"How come?"

"Well, my mom won't care if I go, but my dad will tell me no. If I go it's because I like my mom better and if I don't… it's easier. I swear… like any minute… divorce…"

Draco butted in. "Which do you like better?"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"Who do you like better: your mom or your dad? Like if you had to choose." Draco clarified.

"They're both pretty strict. I don't know really. I guess I'd go live with my uncle… he's twenty-four. He's like my older brother. My parents wouldn't care… they just use me as a pawn to get back at each other."

Luna stood up so fast her chair fell over backwards. "HA!"

"SHUT UP!" Hermione yelled.

"Hermione, you're just feeling sorry for yourself." Ginny said.

"Well, if I don't who else will?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You're breaking my heart, kid."

Draco moves closer to Ginny. "Do you get along with _your_ parents, Weaselette?"

"Well, if I say yes, I'm an idiot right?"

Draco laughed. "You're always an idiot, but if you say yes you're a liar too."

SLAP! "I'm not a liar, you little ferret."

Harry was quickly between Draco and Ginny. "Hey guys… cool it! I don't like my… family either. I don't get along with them. Their idea of parental compassion towards me is _just_ keeping me alive."

Draco poked a finger in Harry's face. "You are a parent's wet dream."

"Well, maybe I am… but not in the eyes of the fucking 'family' I have!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Alright I understand you get pissed because you're not their real kid, but you don't know anything about bad parents."

Hermione stood up too. "Why do you have to insult everything breathing thing, Malfoy?"

"I'm just being honest!" Draco retorted.

"Oh yea?"

"YEA!"

Hermione flipped him off.

"Such rude gestures by such a pristine girl!" Draco said.

"I'm not that pristine."

Draco smirked. "Are you a virgin…? I bet a million dollars you are. Let's just end the suspense, Granger."

"Why do you just shut up, Malfoy?" Hermione said.

"Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth, ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off… praying your parents won't walk in?"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Harry spat.

"Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Weasley's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night?"

"I said… LEAVE HER ALONE!" Harry repeated.

"Are you going to make me, Potter?" Draco sneered.

"Yea!"

"You and how many of our friends?"

"Just you and me. Two hits. I hit you and you hit the floor." Harry pulled up his sleeves. Both boys forgot their wands.

"You know, I don't even want to get into this with you!" Draco growled at Harry.

"Oh yea? Why not?" Harry was not backing down.

"Because I'd kill you Potter. I'd kill you and somebody would sue me… and _you_ are not worth the mess."

"Douche." Harry turned around.

All of a sudden Draco pulled out a blade and threw it across the room. It stuck right in a crevice between two bricks.

Harry walked right up to Malfoy. "Let's settle this right now. You don't talk to her, you don't look at her, you don't _THINK_ about her! Do you understand me?"

Filch walked into the room when Harry had backed away a little. Filch looked at Luna. "Hello, Luna."

Luna waved.

"Uh, Filch?" Draco asked.

"What do you want?" Filch growled.

"I was just wondering about how one would become a caretaker?"

"You want to be a caretaker?"

Draco smiled. "Me personally, no I don't think it's my calling, but Hermione here is _very_ interested!"

"You guys think that being a caretaker is funny? Well following you shitheads around all day for over thirty years has made me learn some things. I look threw your letters; I listen to your conversations. You don't know that I'm there, but I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends. By the way the clock on that wall is twenty minutes fast." Filch walked out of the room.

The whole room groaned except for Draco who just smiled.

At 11:30 Snape walked back into the room. "Alright ladies you have exactly 30 minutes for lunch. A plate of sandwiches suddenly appeared before each student.

"Uhh, Sev? Will a beverage be available to us? I'm parched." Draco said sweetly.

"I have an extremely low tolerance for dehydration, sir." Ginny chimed in.

"Oh yes. I've seen her dehydrate. It's pretty gross." Harry commented.

Draco stood up. "Don't worry, sir, I'll handle it."

"Oh, that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Sit back down, Malfoy. Lovegood and Potter, stand up." The two teenagers did.

"Potter, since you undoubtedly know how to get to the kitchens, you and Lovegood will go get you all something to drink. If you are not back in exactly ten minutes… I will come looking for you. Now go."

Harry and Luna didn't think twice and they both left the room.

"What's your potion?" Harry asked down in the kitchen.

Luna didn't reply.

"What would you like to drink?" Harry reiterated.

Luna still doesn't speak.

"Alright… forget I asked." Harry said with his eyebrows raised.

"Firewhisky."

"When do you drink firewhisky?" Harry asked with his eyebrows still raised.

"Whenever…" Luna said smiling.

"You drink it a lot?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes. Tons!" Luna said smiling even wider.

"Is that why you are in detention?"

There was a pregnant pause.

"Why are you here?" Harry asked.

"Why are _you_ here?" Luna snapped back.

"I'm here because, uhh, I bust my butt so hard to do good in Quidditch… and saving the world that I ignore a lot of my school work. And I ignore other, err, responsibilities I have." Harry said, fidgeting.

"Interesting." Luna said. "But why don't you tell why you're really here?"

"Forget it."

Back in Snape's classroom…

Hermione, Ginny, and Draco were sitting around waiting for Harry and Luna to return. Hermione and Ginny were doing nothing while Draco was looking at books in the classroom.

"Hey, Ginny! Do you want to see this guy with elephantitus in his nuts? It's pretty awesome looking." Draco said laughing.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "I'm good, thank you."

"Wouldn't that hurt to ride a broomstick?"

"Gross." Hermione muttered.

"Hey, Weaselette. Would you ever consider dating a guy like him?" Draco asked.

"Can't you just leave me the hell alone, Malfoy?"

"I mean he'd probably have a good personality, and he could probably dance, maybe even have nice house… Of course, you'd have to sleep in other bed to leave space for his balls."

"You know what I wish I was doing right now?" Ginny said ignoring Draco.

"Watch it, Weasley, Granger here is a _virgin_." Draco pretended to whisper the last word.

"Shut up, Malfoy. Don't talk about things you know nothing about."

"I wish I was in the Lake, taking a swim."

"Well, have you ever gotten laid, Granger?" Draco said smirking.

Hermione cleared her throat. "Loads of times."

"Name one!" Draco mocked.

"Well… there was the Muggle guy who lives near the Shannon River in Ireland. You wouldn't know him."

"I was thinking more in this area."

"Oh." Just then Harry and Luna returned. Hermione motioned towards Harry a little bit.

"OH! You and Potter, eh. Who was right?!" Draco said loudly.

Harry looked at Draco. "What about Potter… I mean me?"

"Nothing, Harry." Hermione said. "Shut up, Draco we'll talk later!" she hissed at him.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. "No, tell me what you're talking about!"

"Well," Draco began, "Hermione here is trying to tell me that other than a number of Irish gentlemen, you and she have… shall we say 'done the deed'."

Hermione looked ready to slap the smirk right off Draco's face.

"No we didn't!" Harry said defiantly.

Author's Note: I was planning on making this a one shot, but it got kind of long… for me at least. Anyway… I hope you all like this. I'll post part two as soon as I possibly can!

As for the characters they aren't like as narrow as the breakfast club characters. They are all more in depth, except Luna… she's just crazy. :)

Thanks, Shannon

P.S. I went back and fixed a couple of grammar things so it's now, hopefully, a little better. I'm working on Part 2 now. So maybe, now that it's summer, I'll finish it!


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